I Think Therefore I Exist

Life can suck. That seems to be a simple enough statement. There are times when life truly sucks, but then sometimes it does not. Can much more be said than that? Is there something that I am missing? I feel that ranting about sadness might not be fun, but I believe that in doing so I might be able to discover some universal truth.

I am making my best attempts to move forward in my life but there are times when memories are triggered by the simplest of things. Its hard to not get angry, all the happiness that you once had, all gone, and you did nothing wrong. You can make every attempt to keep things going, but its not a one sided game, if your partner lets it slip through the cracks there is nothing you can do. She falls for some other guy, someone you never met, someone you never would have trusted, it was all in your gut, and you even let these feelings come to the light of day but it never mattered.

She seems to want to go back to where we were before it all started. To be just friends, but I feel like a lot of that friendship was based in feelings for each other, and she is not entirely like that girl she was before. I don't believe I could do that, it would be to easy to find those feelings again, to fall again. As well there feels to be too much pain and anger, all which would need to be let out before anything can happen, she must bear the burden of strife and hardship before I can truly forgive her.

She feels no need to hear what I believe is the truth, yet if she herself did not believe it she could ignore it and take it in stride, but only if she believes it would she see the need to hide from it. Could that be why, she wants to talk but cannot bear my anger, the written word could easily be weakened. There is no voice, no volume to it, much of the true emotion is void.

That alone does not simply anger me even more. Given the opportunity pain could be made more bearable if one is not alone, someone to hold, to be there for you. You left me behind, all alone, and you yourself are not. How am I supposed to feel? How can you expect me to be able to go to something so quickly? It feels like I was hit by a bus, yet you try and say things that are of no help. In simplicity, you may have done what you think was the right thing, but guess what, I think you fucked up. It might be a strong word that typically should not be used, but there is little else of any way to make that statement.

For those who may have made it this far, which I feel like not many have even come close, I apologize for the previous rant. Stream of thought can be a very tedious thing to read through.

A friend sent me a video the other day to watch. I must say, it succeeds in its purpose, which is to motivate. The following is the video, and I must say, it truly reaches deep and can strike a good chord or two.

The video comes from a site called Spartan Race. This concept that has been created is a very intense, as it is not entirely about strength of body but about the strength of heart. I myself hope that one day, I too can complete a Spartan Race, that one day I will be as strong as I can possibly be, and do things I never imagined. May this be my attempt at my own greatness, to show that I can do what I set out for myself to do.