Day 4: Looking For My Own

A cover of the song Save Tonight by Eagle Eye Cherry, this is performed by the YouTube artist Alex Goot who I have enjoyed for some time. 

Day 4. Your views on religion.

I was born to Hispanic parents which through one could infer would typically mean Roman Catholics. That could be said of my mom who was the main drive behind the family going to church. My father who I believe has a religious necklace thing and always does the sign of the cross before driving never seemed to care so much about attending, even not going whenever my mother, my brother, and I would. I suppose that is how he must have been raised, a believer but not a devotee. I can remember early in my elementary years attending church and going to Sunday school but never entirely being attentive. After I participated in my First Communion we stopped attending until we moved to Italy. It might have been a year or two of attending before we once again stopped. In fact it seemed simply that we never attended during the summer and that would sometimes carry on into the school year. 

Returned my freshman year of high school under orders of my mother. I had to get confirmed, and despite my pleas to not have to wake up early Sundays, I had no choice. There were maybe twenty others in the class who knew way more about the bible, about Catholicism, and I never exactly felt like I belonged. I tried my best to cover my ignorance, I had no choice but to be there so I did my best to make it appear I wasn't some fake.

There was one kid in my class, it was his second time there. He talk to the priest and decided that he was not ready and was back to make sure he was for his Confirmation. When I found out I felt more like a fake than before. What was worse, he was killed in a car accident, reckless driving the cause. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Between leaving based on beliefs and simply making my mother happy. My Hispanic mother, the woman who did so much for me in my life that I simply could not quit. I had no choice whatsoever. 

I chose St. Christopher to be my patron saint. One could say that it was because the relation to my name but that was not reasoning. His story mean much to me, to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. There is nothing more hard, and requires not strength of the body but more of strength of will. He is also the patron saint of travelers. Both things held the most weight in my decision.

I was the week before confirmation, the class went on a retreat to a seminary. Someone brought a soccer ball, and we spent at least an hour playing keep away. It was just pure, no purpose but just to have fun. The next morning we were to each go to the priest and have confession. The whole time his head was bowed, he never saw our faces, who even knows if he could remember our voices that well. I could have told him the truth then and there that I did think I belonged there. In the end I went through it. I am now an "Adult" in the Catholic church but I have only been to church twice since then.

I am not sure if I believe in a God or an Afterlife. It is a nice thought to think it isn't over when its over, but I find it hard to believe without any actual proof. I believe that men simply need to have goodwill, to do the right thing since it simply enough is the right thing. I believe that what goes around comes around, its a basic since of physics. That every action has and equal and opposite reaction. In the end good actions will be met with good results and bad actions will lead to bad consequences. In a sense I believe in meditation, the search for peace of mind. One must be able to understand their mind, what they think. Hold true to those foundations, never compromise.