Day 10: Right Here

Day 10. Discuss your first love and first kiss

For me, it is one and the same. It all started with my seventh grade math teacher. He had a daughter and she was year younger than me. Through this she knew me before I even knew her. Since my mother was a teacher as well I would usually spend time after school waiting, after the rush of students leaving were cleared and the building was nearly empty. I would usually pass by his classroom, peak my head in, and make a quick request for a candy bar, a joking reference to the time he did give me a candy bar. I never realized she was there, but that is how she nicknamed me the "candy bar kid."

One of the last day's of school, the middle school would always host a field trip to the beach. Simply a reward for a successful accomplishment of another school year. I spent most of the time with my general hosts of friends but at some point I decided to spend time with a girl, Whitney, who everyone thought had an obsession on this one goth kid who was as well my friend. I decided to talk to her about it and somehow that proceeded to building a random sand structure. For some reason she joined in, her name was Robyn.

The following year I cemented myself with a new group of friends for spending lunch time with centered around Whitney but included Robyn. We were a motley crew but we somehow existed pretty well and had some good times at lunch. Sometime during these first couple of months I developed a crush on Robyn but made no attempt on those feelings.

It was sometime between Halloween and Thanksgiving that I made that stupid decision. I for some reason felt the need to act "emo" or depressed, leaving behind that group and not even speaking to anyone during lunch. No matter any attempts by anyone, I just carried on without a word. It was entirely stupid and thoroughly pointless.

Sometime after winter break I came to my senses, the next time she came up to me if my memory serves me correctly was when it seemed like she was gonna give up on trying to break through my thick skull. I answered her question whatever it was, and everything proceeded to return back to the way it was, two months of ignoring people for no reason was finally done.

That was the point were the courtship began. We spent every lunch together just talking, walking around, being in each other's company. Come valentine's day I surprised her with a box of chocolates. I let her hug me, I did not exactly understand how to hug, I'd never been a person of human contact before, but I let her do it and it felt great. From there on out every time at the end of lunch we'd hug as a goodbye, I finally became less awkward and it began to be a natural thing.

Along came a road bump. It was mutually obvious that we liked each other, and I was interested in asking her out but she wouldn't be allowed to date till she turned sixteen, several years away. There was not anything I could do so the relationship stayed stagnant. At one point I played a little joke that she jokingly overreacted to, but I didn't realize she was kidding. I was upset that I thought she was very mad at me. I ended up talking to another girl that night and for some reason I asked her out. I didn't think she would say yes but she did since she had a crush on me.

Thing about this girl is I knew she dated a lot of guys, a lot of those not really serious couple week relationships, which were something I have never been into. Come that next Monday, I didn't really know what to do, as I never been in a relationship before, so I avoided her altogether. At some point during the next two weeks she injured her ankle and had to use crutches. The low point came when after she saw me, headed my direction, I briskly walked away while she using crutches came after me. I gathered the guts to and broke up with her, never spoke to her again after that. Honestly would not blame her if she hated me.

Move forward to the last two weeks of school. There was the spring fling, or final dance of the year. I wanted to ask her to be my date but I really couldn't since the restriction by her father, so I ended up simply meeting her there. The whole time I attempted to build up the courage to ask her to dance as well as all of my friends and her friends tried to encourage me as well. Right before the final song we ended up sitting on this little swinging bench and we talked. I grabbed her hand and told her I was willing to try anything to have her as my girlfriend. I really liked this girl and I wanted her to be more in my life. After that the final song began and we slow danced, it was a really great feeling to have her in my arms just moving back and forth slowly.

After school the next Monday I went to her father's classroom. I came in and told him I wanted to date his daughter, even though she was not supposed to till she was sixteen. He told me to sit down, and I calmly all the while freaking out in mind, sat there as he told me his rules. After he was done, he shook my hand, and called me a man for being willing to come face to face with the father of the girl he liked.

Now that year we spent beach day as a couple, and it was nice knowing that we weren't just friends who liked each other but we were something more. So the day after school ended, since our parents both had teacher work days we just spent most of the day in the park. I couldn't seem to work up the courage to kiss her but I really wanted to. Eventually we decided to sit in this gazebo, and we were talking but after this pause in our conversation, I simply leaned in. Neither of us really knew what we were doing but it still was amazing, very special in its own imperfect way.

To proceed on to my first love. It was simple enough, we both had family vacations separating us for a month an a half, which was excruciatingly terrible. But at some point I realized that I would want nothing more to spend all the my time with her. That I would be perfectly content with just her in my life. Now for me, that was the moment I realized that I loved her.