Just A Game Of Cutthroat

Of course it is the end to another year, without the planet exploding, absent of alien takeovers, or nuclear Armageddon. Note, the previous sentence was my sad attempt at some new years humor.

I have never been one to really make new year's resolutions. Each year has passed by, and even considerations of doing so have simply been glanced over by my mind. I suppose that I could desire to make the following changes to my life without the need to specify it as new year's resolutions, but why not. Therefore, the following  are the things that I want to at least make an attempt at in the following year:

1) I want to become for financially smart, stop spending money on pointless things
2) I want to strive to be more friendly, make more friends and the like
3) I want to do better in school, bring up my G.P.A.
4) I want to start playing guitar again, I will not become any good if I do not play
5) I want to stop living in the past, in what could have been

Really only five things that I want to change come to mind, but that does not mean that I will not want to change things later. As existing beings we always have the opportunity to change, to become better and improve on what we see as faults in ourselves. Definitely no one is perfect, and no one ever will be, but I want to strive to be happy with who I am, and to be the best person I  can be.

Boxed Up Memories

As of now, I have decided to change the name of this blog to "Lost But Who Cares" with no guarantees that it will stay this way or change to something different. I also think I shall keep the URL the same, because part of me does not want to forget the roots that I started this blog on, of moving forward towards graduation.

Now for the reason of the name. One might glance at this new title and think that maybe its some sad commentary on the state of our modern world, that people can be so impersonal, so uncaring that no one cares for strangers, or even entirely for friends. It might even be able to be said that no one would care about that lost individual struggling to find their way, allowing them to get swept up in the flow of everything else, losing their individuality.

That is not what this is about and my blog has never been that way, and I do not see it anytime in the near future being about that. There are opportunities to do things in life, and to experience a multitude of things, but who knows what the next thing will be. In that sense, I am lost as I do not know what is coming next. Truth is though, I do not think that matters because I will do my best to take each step as it comes, and I do not care that I simply do not know that next step. Therefore I am lost but who cares.

On a side note, I would like to share the following which was brought up on facebook by an old foe/friend:

If you have not heard of it, it is from a website called brotips.com which I myself have come to notice on the internet for its witty and humorous advice and remarks. The way I see it, although easily related to sailing, I feel like it can apply to life in general. Simply put, if one can handle the difficulties that life throws at them, they are capable of being an awesome person.

Well Deserved

Last week was the end to my first semester of college. I was confident about how well I would do on my finals, and might have been a little overconfident. I did not do as well as I would have hoped, but in the end my GPA did not change very much, but with only a little decrease. Of course, there are freshman I know that ended up above even a 3.5 or somewhere around there, I find myself proud of a measly 2.88, but a lot on the fact that I maintained a full 18 credit hour semester. And next semester I'll know what I need to do to pull some better grades.

About two months ago, I was dating a girl who I had fallen in love with and thought that I would be spending the rest of my life her. We ended up going to two different schools only three hours away, but we did not have an easy way to see each other. It ended up being that three hours was too much for her, even though I was willing to deal with what I called the huge mountain of suck, because she said we would stay together. I was a fool who was in love, and simply enough, she lied to me. That really hurt me, and to make matters more painful, she already had another boyfriend right after she broke up with me yet after only knowing him for about two months. The kicker, she won't be going to college next year and is gonna move into an apartment with him instead.

Some people get their heart broken, but others will know how it feels to get your heart ripped out and shredded. Since then I have been attempting to move on, or at least occupy my mind so I don't think about it. I have been talking to girls but I have never been exactly the greatest, so at times it is hard to tell where I stand with them or anything along those lines.

That was until yesterday. There is this one girl that I've known the past two years, and last week we started texting each other. These past couple of days anytime my phone vibrates I always hope its a text from her. Now onto yesterday, when we hung out. We chose to go to the mall, where we pretty much just wandered around, watched a movie, went ice skating, and ate some dinner. It was all very fun, and there was never a dull moment.

The crucial moment arose during the movie. While simply kidding around by poking her in her sides to make her laugh, I decided to hold her hand. And she held my hand back. I can understand why one may not exactly see it as a big deal but I feel like it was a huge step forward. It means that while maybe I might still be hurt and broken, there is a glimmer of hope, a brighter future to look forward to.

The Ultimate Sacrifice

Thousands of candles,
Wax dripping onto the cold hands of many,
And onto the heart of our home.
A family mourns the loss of their own,
As a community is brought back together.
We are Virginia Tech,
We will prevail.

A Girl Worth Fighting For

I saw this post on one of my Bud's wall and thought I would share. I find it very impressive what our men and women in uniform do for us, all the sacrifices that they make that allow us to continue to have our freedom.  I am glad that I will be given my chance to do my part for my country and although I may not exactly believing in fighting, or what we might be doing, but in the end I know it is all alright because I am doing it for the nation I love.

A Soldier's Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone, 

In a one bedroom house made of plaster and stone. 

I had come down the chimney with presents to give, 

And had to see just who in this home did live. 

I looked all about, a strange sight I did see, 

No tinsel, No Presents, Not even a tree. 

No stocking by the mantle, just boots full of sand. 

On the wall hung pictures, of a distant land. 

With Medals and Badges, Awards of all kinds, 

A sober thought, came to mind. 

For this house was different, it was dark and dreary, 

I found the home of a Soldier, Once I could see clearly. 

The Soldier lay sleeping, silent, alone, 

Curled up on the floor, In his one bedroom home. 

The face was so gentle, The room in such disorder, 

Not how I pictured, A United States Soldier. 

Was this the hero of whom I'd just read? 

Curled up on a poncho, The floor for a bed? 

I realized the families that I saw this night, 

Owed their lives to these Soldiers, who where willing to fight. 

Soon around the world, children would play, 

And grownups would celebrate, a bright Christmas day. 

They enjoyed Freedom, each month of the year, 

Because of these Soldiers, like the one lying here. 

I couldn't help wonder, how many lay alone, 

On a cold Christmas Eve, In a land Far from home. 

The very thought, brought a tear to my eye. 

I dropped to my knees and started to cry. 

The Soldier awakened, and I heard a rough voice, 

"Santa don't cry, this life is my choice; 

I fight for Freedom, I don't ask for more, 

My life is my God, My Country, My Corps." 

The Soldier rolled over, and soon drifted to sleep. 

I couldn't control it, I continued to weep. 

I kept watch for hours, So silent and still 

And we both shivered from the cold night's chill. 

I didn't want to leave on that cold, dark night, 

This Guardian of Honor, so willing to fight. 

Then the Soldier rolled over, with a voice soft and pure, 

Whispered, "Carry on Santa. It's Christmas Day, All is Secure." 

One look at my watch, and I knew he was right. 

Merry Christmas my friend, And to all a good night.