Day 19: My Redemtption

Day 19. Disrespecting your parents.

I come from a Hispanic Catholic family. Disrespecting your parents never ends well. Simple as that, they brought you into the world, they can take you out just as easily. That is simply how I grew up. But I am glad that was how it was. I see these kids who throw the hugest tantrums in public, total disrespect towards the people who gave them life, who clothe them, feed them. Who do so much for them, do they not deserve some respect. Mom. Dad. I know you don't read this, but thank you. I love you guys way more than I show

Day 18: Definitely What I Say

Day 18. Your beliefs

First and foremost, I believe in going with the flow. This is in regards to everyday life. It makes life difficult when one sweats the small things. Those minute problems will come and go and life will be easier to deal with if you just let them go. 

Never give up. Simple as that, give it your all. Sometimes the going gets rough, so you rough it up back. I feel like there are few feelings like realizing that you gave it your all and that no matter the outcome, there was no that if could have been changed at all.

Do what you like to do. It makes no sense wasting your time in a career or some activity you yourself do not like. Even if your parents or family, or anything sort of reason is holding you back it is not worth it. Is your happiness worth a paycheck?

Its definitely alright you shout when you're happy and dance when your excitement. Let loose some that energy.  Better yet, blast some music and get down. Life is not fun if you live it stiff. Or even much better, just sing your own song, rap your rap, dance your dance. Be creative, that's the best way to just let it all out.

I definitely believe probably more things, or at least I hope so, but I feel these are my top four. Through these four, I allow myself to live my own satisfy and chill life. One cooler than the other side of my pillow.

I know I'm sharing the same artist again, but this Sam Hart guy is pretty freaking awesome, I can't help but just reply his songs over and over again, especially "Goodbye to You, Pikachu"

Day 17: He Could Say

Day 17. Your highs and lows of this past year

I would say its oddly coincidental that this day goes with this post. Today I turned nineteen, not exactly the biggest of deals, as there isn't much to it but I'm glad to say I have survived another year.

To this day the highs include getting accepted into college. The joy I felt when I looked upon my computer screen, I felt this surge of excitement, and I shouted to the roof tops. Another good moment was when I was able to complete the full obstacle course, climbing to the top of that rope after exhausting all of my energy. There is little like being able to do that. My snowboarding trip was pretty great, I got a whole lot better and I would consider that a high.

I would not say there was much lows to this year, overall it was a decent year except for obvious hiccup. That was what hurt the most and now I am moving on, getting over it. Therefore there was not much to consider for this category.

Now here is to another year of being alive. It is simply adequate to survive, but to excel and rise above, now that is the goal.

Day 16: Happy With The Rigging

Day 16. Your views on mainstream music.

First off, my preference of music is not based in mainstream music. I tend to stick to mostly punk, pop punk, and alternative rock. It simply is what suits me most. Although it isn't mainstream it is still popular to some groups and that is perfectly fine by me.

Now onto my view of mainstream music. Truth is, the music is popular for a reason. There is a majority of people that enjoy it giving its power. I sometimes do listen to mainstream music and I see no problem in that. What I do find annoying are the people that complain about it. In this day and age access to one's preferred genre of music is easier than ever. Therefore one should not make a comment of how mainstream music is everywhere, simply plug in your iPod and you should be fine.

Day 15: Splitting Time

Day 15. Your favorite blogs

I've been around the blogging world for a couple of years and I have been trying to keep up with several blogs, and as such, there are some which I would consider favorites.

The first is Not a real gypsy...

This blog is no longer active as she has ceased to post in the past year or so. But this one will always be considered the root of where I began. A friend in high school told me she was starting a blog, which is why I too decided to start one. We both both were each other's first followers and as well had some interesting conversations.

Next is So it goes...

I first found this blog through one a comment I found on the above blog from a guy named Christopher. Back in the day the name of this blog was Paper Tigers, and Jillian was the first constant blogger that I followed and would enjoy reading her posts. Luckily she began to follow me and would comment on my blog and we discovered a mutual enjoyment of the amazing band Relient K.

Ada's Beautiful Blog

This is one of the blogs I have begun following since my return to the blogging world, and it truly deserving of a spot in my favorites. Ada posts a lot more than others, and with pictures. These short sweet post are always enjoyable to read and as well to comment on them, although I fear like I might do so to much, would that be creepy?

Finally, Furree Katt

She most interestingly came out of nowhere one day simply commenting on my blog that she was gonna read all of my posts from the beginning. Never before have I seen such dedication to go through the copious amounts of posts I had. And whenever I read her blog, there have never been any posts that I find boring, all of them I have found interesting. 

Day 14: The Final Countdown

Day 14. Your earliest memory

I think my earliest memory comes from back when I was young. Probably like four years old, when we lived in San Diego. Our house was empty, there was not really any furniture. My earliest memory seems to be of my first move. I've been lucky, only four moves during my life, but staying longer than the usual three years just always allowed me to get more attached. But now I don't exactly feel like I have true home, that is why I feel the need to continue this problem, but I do hope my own children have a better first memory.

Day 13: I'm No Superman

Day 13. Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.

I feel the place I want to visit the most in my lifetime is New Zealand. The number one reason is so I can snowboard there. Nothing sounds like a cooler trip than to say I went snowboarding in the middle of summer in a foreign nation though I guess for them it would technically be winter. I'm pretty sure there are plenty of other cool things to do there which I will glad to do, but reason number one: To hit the slopes.

Day 12: Box of Food

Day 12. Your dream college.

I feel like I picked the college where I want to be. Virginia Tech is a very spirited university, people on campus bleed Maroon and Orange in so many ways. Who even knew those two colors could go together so well. Every football games the stadium is always packed. They say Lane is one of the toughest places for any other team to play. The stands shake as Metallica's "Enter Sandman" plays and the crowd starts jumping.

Beyond football, Virginia Tech offers so many different opportunities. My favorite is the fact that there is a sailing club, I want nothing more than to hit the water come this spring. As well, the Corp of Cadets has offered me this unique chance to experience a side of the campus life most barely know a thing about.  

There is so much about this school that I love. There is not really anything that comes to mind that I do not like. I'm proud to say that I am a Hokie. Gobble Gobble.

When I first walked into my room I had this mentality. This whole concept of fast angry rhymes, flowing lyrics, and a sick guitar. But then next up on my iTunes was this:

And my mood just mellowed out. This song just shut me down, but it made me happy. Better yet satisfied. I'm in a good place, I'm happy to be me right now.

Day 11: 1000 Ships

Day 11. Put your iPod on shuffle and write down the 10 songs that pop up

1)The End - Simple Plan

2)Part Of It - Relient K

3)Stereo Hearts (feat. Adam Levine) - Gym Class Heroes

4)Hey Girl - Dashboard Confessionals

5)We Are Young(feat. Janelle Monae) - Fun.

6)Where'd You Go(feat. Holly Brook and Jonah Matranga) - Fort Minor

7)Winter Winds - Mumford & Sons

8)Sitting, Waiting, Wishing - Jack Johnson

9)High of 75 - Relient K

10)She's So High - Four Year Strong

It seems this random playlist of ten songs covers most of the musical tastes I enjoy, numbers 2, 5, 6, and 7 are probably the four I would listen the most to, while the others I do like but not as much.

Day 10: Right Here

Day 10. Discuss your first love and first kiss

For me, it is one and the same. It all started with my seventh grade math teacher. He had a daughter and she was year younger than me. Through this she knew me before I even knew her. Since my mother was a teacher as well I would usually spend time after school waiting, after the rush of students leaving were cleared and the building was nearly empty. I would usually pass by his classroom, peak my head in, and make a quick request for a candy bar, a joking reference to the time he did give me a candy bar. I never realized she was there, but that is how she nicknamed me the "candy bar kid."

One of the last day's of school, the middle school would always host a field trip to the beach. Simply a reward for a successful accomplishment of another school year. I spent most of the time with my general hosts of friends but at some point I decided to spend time with a girl, Whitney, who everyone thought had an obsession on this one goth kid who was as well my friend. I decided to talk to her about it and somehow that proceeded to building a random sand structure. For some reason she joined in, her name was Robyn.

The following year I cemented myself with a new group of friends for spending lunch time with centered around Whitney but included Robyn. We were a motley crew but we somehow existed pretty well and had some good times at lunch. Sometime during these first couple of months I developed a crush on Robyn but made no attempt on those feelings.

It was sometime between Halloween and Thanksgiving that I made that stupid decision. I for some reason felt the need to act "emo" or depressed, leaving behind that group and not even speaking to anyone during lunch. No matter any attempts by anyone, I just carried on without a word. It was entirely stupid and thoroughly pointless.

Sometime after winter break I came to my senses, the next time she came up to me if my memory serves me correctly was when it seemed like she was gonna give up on trying to break through my thick skull. I answered her question whatever it was, and everything proceeded to return back to the way it was, two months of ignoring people for no reason was finally done.

That was the point were the courtship began. We spent every lunch together just talking, walking around, being in each other's company. Come valentine's day I surprised her with a box of chocolates. I let her hug me, I did not exactly understand how to hug, I'd never been a person of human contact before, but I let her do it and it felt great. From there on out every time at the end of lunch we'd hug as a goodbye, I finally became less awkward and it began to be a natural thing.

Along came a road bump. It was mutually obvious that we liked each other, and I was interested in asking her out but she wouldn't be allowed to date till she turned sixteen, several years away. There was not anything I could do so the relationship stayed stagnant. At one point I played a little joke that she jokingly overreacted to, but I didn't realize she was kidding. I was upset that I thought she was very mad at me. I ended up talking to another girl that night and for some reason I asked her out. I didn't think she would say yes but she did since she had a crush on me.

Thing about this girl is I knew she dated a lot of guys, a lot of those not really serious couple week relationships, which were something I have never been into. Come that next Monday, I didn't really know what to do, as I never been in a relationship before, so I avoided her altogether. At some point during the next two weeks she injured her ankle and had to use crutches. The low point came when after she saw me, headed my direction, I briskly walked away while she using crutches came after me. I gathered the guts to and broke up with her, never spoke to her again after that. Honestly would not blame her if she hated me.

Move forward to the last two weeks of school. There was the spring fling, or final dance of the year. I wanted to ask her to be my date but I really couldn't since the restriction by her father, so I ended up simply meeting her there. The whole time I attempted to build up the courage to ask her to dance as well as all of my friends and her friends tried to encourage me as well. Right before the final song we ended up sitting on this little swinging bench and we talked. I grabbed her hand and told her I was willing to try anything to have her as my girlfriend. I really liked this girl and I wanted her to be more in my life. After that the final song began and we slow danced, it was a really great feeling to have her in my arms just moving back and forth slowly.

After school the next Monday I went to her father's classroom. I came in and told him I wanted to date his daughter, even though she was not supposed to till she was sixteen. He told me to sit down, and I calmly all the while freaking out in mind, sat there as he told me his rules. After he was done, he shook my hand, and called me a man for being willing to come face to face with the father of the girl he liked.

Now that year we spent beach day as a couple, and it was nice knowing that we weren't just friends who liked each other but we were something more. So the day after school ended, since our parents both had teacher work days we just spent most of the day in the park. I couldn't seem to work up the courage to kiss her but I really wanted to. Eventually we decided to sit in this gazebo, and we were talking but after this pause in our conversation, I simply leaned in. Neither of us really knew what we were doing but it still was amazing, very special in its own imperfect way.

To proceed on to my first love. It was simple enough, we both had family vacations separating us for a month an a half, which was excruciatingly terrible. But at some point I realized that I would want nothing more to spend all the my time with her. That I would be perfectly content with just her in my life. Now for me, that was the moment I realized that I loved her.

Day 9: Snow Ball Fights With Buildings

Day 9. How you hope your future will be like

In the words of my best friend, "Not sucky." That honestly seems to be a simple enough definition of what I hope my future will be like. I would like to be financially sound, have married the perfect woman for me, have some lovely children, and similar stuff like that. There is no way I can guarantee that but I bet if I work hard enough for it, it'll all work out in the end.

Day 8: Dedication, Motivation, Excellence

Day 8. A moment you felt most satisfied in your life {your happiest moment}

I can at least say for me the tension was high, my stomach knotting up, and feelings of inadequacy became common as my swim career clock was ticking. My chance of making it to states was in the hands of three others in a relay, who themselves would have plenty more opportunities to make it. I was worried because they themselves could not possibly put themselves in my shoes, and we had already dropped a large amount of time in only about two weeks.

The odds were stacked against us and even I felt a pang of regret as I began to agree with the naysayers. This was not who I am, I was not someone who would give up so easily. I had to give my last ditch effort, to leave it all in the pool. Leading off the relay, I pushed myself to the limit I could greatest conceive. My arms could not have moved faster, and there was no way I could have kicked harder. It all seemed to be going well, but it still did not seem like enough as the next two teammates did their part.

It all came down to our anchor, who was in fact the fastest swimmer on our team, and it all rested on his shoulders. But after his flip turn he seemed to be moving way to slow. It movements just so relaxed despite the pressure of the race. Time was ticking and all I could do was just stand and stare as it felt that it was all slipping away. He touched the wall, the clocked stop, and as I tried to hold onto what was left of my swimming career, I compared the time to mental notes of what was needed.

Nothing else mattered at that moment. It was five years of hard work, constantly pushing my body to new limits all the time. It was possibly one of the scariest moments I had ever experienced, this uncertainty was not a feeling I could honestly say I liked. Yet in its own moment, it was serene, the time was final, and once sure, we knew we had qualified for states. We had accomplished what was unexpected.

Day 7: Whats My Age Again

Day 7. Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

Simple enough the prominent symbol of Pisces is the two fishes. I feel this can relate to the fact that I love both the winter and spring, which are both present in the duration of Pisces. As well, being a fish in the fact that I am a lover of the water, through swimming and sailing, I fit in perfectly with my zodiac's element. I feel there is not much to say, simple enough in the fact that I would not want to be anything else.

Day 6: Winter Paradise

Day 6. Write 30 interesting things about yourself {Things others may not know}

So around a year and a half ago I did a list of twenty things, which can be found here. Simple enough, click on the link and there are are twenty things about me you may or may not have known. Alas, that leaves me short ten items. In all honesty that does leave a bit of problems, and so I came up with a bright idea. How about several little buttons that give small pictures into who I am and what I like. So therefore via Facebook's Pieces of Flair application I share with you the following image:

For those who might be feeling the wintertime blues, although I myself am totally down with the snow:

Day 5: Serious Overhaul

Day 5. A time you thought about ending your life. {Your worst moment}

Life can really suck at times. Simple enough, sometimes the pain hurts so much that to get out of bed in the morning takes too much energy. So much so that if you were to step out into the street and get hit by a bus you wouldn't even feel the pain. I have felt such pain but I could never consider ending it all. For one I will never allow myself to be a quitter and two, there is always a silver lining. So no matter what, everything things look gray, there is still chance for the sun to rise again. 

Day 4: Looking For My Own

A cover of the song Save Tonight by Eagle Eye Cherry, this is performed by the YouTube artist Alex Goot who I have enjoyed for some time. 

Day 4. Your views on religion.

I was born to Hispanic parents which through one could infer would typically mean Roman Catholics. That could be said of my mom who was the main drive behind the family going to church. My father who I believe has a religious necklace thing and always does the sign of the cross before driving never seemed to care so much about attending, even not going whenever my mother, my brother, and I would. I suppose that is how he must have been raised, a believer but not a devotee. I can remember early in my elementary years attending church and going to Sunday school but never entirely being attentive. After I participated in my First Communion we stopped attending until we moved to Italy. It might have been a year or two of attending before we once again stopped. In fact it seemed simply that we never attended during the summer and that would sometimes carry on into the school year. 

Returned my freshman year of high school under orders of my mother. I had to get confirmed, and despite my pleas to not have to wake up early Sundays, I had no choice. There were maybe twenty others in the class who knew way more about the bible, about Catholicism, and I never exactly felt like I belonged. I tried my best to cover my ignorance, I had no choice but to be there so I did my best to make it appear I wasn't some fake.

There was one kid in my class, it was his second time there. He talk to the priest and decided that he was not ready and was back to make sure he was for his Confirmation. When I found out I felt more like a fake than before. What was worse, he was killed in a car accident, reckless driving the cause. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Between leaving based on beliefs and simply making my mother happy. My Hispanic mother, the woman who did so much for me in my life that I simply could not quit. I had no choice whatsoever. 

I chose St. Christopher to be my patron saint. One could say that it was because the relation to my name but that was not reasoning. His story mean much to me, to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. There is nothing more hard, and requires not strength of the body but more of strength of will. He is also the patron saint of travelers. Both things held the most weight in my decision.

I was the week before confirmation, the class went on a retreat to a seminary. Someone brought a soccer ball, and we spent at least an hour playing keep away. It was just pure, no purpose but just to have fun. The next morning we were to each go to the priest and have confession. The whole time his head was bowed, he never saw our faces, who even knows if he could remember our voices that well. I could have told him the truth then and there that I did think I belonged there. In the end I went through it. I am now an "Adult" in the Catholic church but I have only been to church twice since then.

I am not sure if I believe in a God or an Afterlife. It is a nice thought to think it isn't over when its over, but I find it hard to believe without any actual proof. I believe that men simply need to have goodwill, to do the right thing since it simply enough is the right thing. I believe that what goes around comes around, its a basic since of physics. That every action has and equal and opposite reaction. In the end good actions will be met with good results and bad actions will lead to bad consequences. In a sense I believe in meditation, the search for peace of mind. One must be able to understand their mind, what they think. Hold true to those foundations, never compromise. 

Day 3: Oh Darling

Day 3- What are your views on drugs and alcohol.

I personally do not feel the need to use drugs or alcohol. Drugs are illegal simple enough, and drinking at my age is also illegal. First and foremost, I have to much on the line to even consider risking by doing something illegal. As well I have never felt the need to use any sort of substance in the attempt to increase my fun, especially when I would prefer to make more conscious choices and be able to fully experience things entirely natural. Maybe when I turn 21 I might have a beer or something else but I will never allow myself to become drunk.

I thought I might share a song I recently heard and have come to enjoy a lot. 

Day 2: Hot Chocolate in Hand

Day 2. Where you’d like to be in 10 years.

This should be a simple enough thought. I will be six years removed from college, six years as an officer in the United States Navy. By this point I should already have received my Surface Warfare Officer pin as well as become an 0-3 or Lieutenant. I will have served my two sea tours, probably stationed once near home and then the second one overseas maybe in Asia or Europe. In ten years I should be in the middle of my first shore tour. I am not sure if it would be maybe somewhere cool, possibly Australia or some other cool location from which I can launch some cool world travels. Or maybe I'll be stationed at a university NROTC unit or the Naval Academy as an instructor while getting my Master's degree. At this point maybe I will be happily married to a woman I can see as anything but amazing. Maybe we'll have our first kid around this time, someone I can bring up in this world to be an amazing man or woman. 

Sadly this can only be what I hope to have in ten years. There are no guarantees, nothing anyone can truly promise. But in the end at least I know what I want, something that I will strive for.

Day 1: Oh Darling

Today it started snowing, it was these little flurries at nine in the morning. Of course the whole time I was up I could only think about how once I dropped off the painting I could try to go back to sleep. It was cold and I was not enjoying it all that much since I was not wearing anything really warm. Thirty minutes later I returned to my dorm and back to the bed I went. Last time we had flurries it was not all that cold and none of it stuck so I was not expecting anything but an hour later when I get out of bed I saw a thin layer on the grass. I am very excited since if the weather can stay cold I might just be able to go snowboarding during my spring break.

Now onto another clerical thing, the monstrous painting. Five by seven foot painting themed on "Where My Country Calls"

Although from the photo it may not look like much but it is taller than me and pretty cool.

As follows is my first attempt at daily blogging, lets see how this goes:

Day 1. Your current Relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

I am not all that great at being single. This whole idea of trying to meet single females and to find mutual interest in each other is one of those skills I am not all to good at doing. It does not help that I prefer to devote most of my time to just one person, something that simply is not feasible when single. Of the relationships I have been, the ones that have worked out better are with girls that I have been at least good friends for some time. I have made some female friends here at college but I have yet to become close with any of them, and when you add in the fact that they too have other friends it is sometimes hard to really get some good one on one time to get to know them. I suppose the best logic would be to be more upfront about it and simply ask them out but not a skill I am the greatest at either. As well I see less pressure with simply asking to hang out but that just makes it easier for others to intrude. 

One might thing that I am trying to rush into a relationship but that is not what I am implying. I might be kind of young but I can't see myself doing casual and instead I feel like I want to find the right girl. Someone who I see as perfect, who I would want to spend the rest of my days with. I simply just want to find happiness and I wish I had some clue as to make it just a little easier to find, but I guess that the best things in life are stuff you have to work towards.

Changing the Game Plan

I have for a while been desiring to Blog a lot more often. My post seem to feel far and few between. The most predominant reason has been my inability to find something to write about, and below I have found it. Stolen from Our Drifting Conscience (Note: If you do follow that link, realize that it is multiple people blogging on the same thirty day topics). I bring you my promise to attempt to blog for thirty days consecutively about the following things. I shall proceed to begin tomorrow. The rest of my evening will be jammed packed with a nap, a physics test, and painting (Once the monstrous five by seven foot painting is done, I shall more than likely post at least one picture). Hopefully I will be able to get food, oh how I hope I can.

Day 1. Your current Relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 2. Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 3- What are your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 4. Your views on religion.
Day 5. A time you thought about ending your life. {Your worst moment}
Day 6. Write 30 interesting things about yourself {Things others may not know}
Day 7. Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 8. A moment you felt most satisfied in your life {your happiest moment}
Day 9. How you hope your future will be like.
Day 10. Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11. Put your iPod on shuffle and write down the 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12. Your dream college.
Day 13. Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14. Your earliest memory.
Day 15. Your favorite blogs
Day 16. Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17. Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18. Your beliefs.
Day 19. Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20. How important you think education is.
Day 21. One of your favorite shows.
Day 22. How have your changed in the past 2 years.
Day 23. Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous whom you find attractive.
Day 24. Your favorite movie & what it’s about.
Day 25. Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26. What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27. A problem that you have had
Day 28. Something that you miss.
Day 29. Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30. Your highs and lows of this month!

First Time In a Long Time

I have decided that this evening I would like to play a game, of course whenever you read this, it may not happen to be evening. Nonetheless, let us ignore that discrepancy, and view what I have taken from kirby's blog. Before then, possibly since I shall consider this an epic journey into a Blog question and answer game, maybe we need some music which I have gotten from the blog Rob and Annie's Tunes for Every Occasion which I must say is a pretty cool blog with some pretty cool playlists.

A: Something I am sad about: That the four weeks till spring break is seemingly so very far away

B: Favorite band: The obvious choice for me would be Relient K of which I have just about every song they have ever written, played, distributed.

C: Who I like and why I like them: I am not entirely sure as to who I would put. There are plenty of nice girls but I am still looking for that girl I would feel would be the best to be with. Maybe I have already met her, or maybe I haven't but I have to keep looking.

D: Dream house/place to live and why: I feel like I would like a house with multiple stories. Maybe with a large living room with an over hang. I'm not entirely sure, but it would at least have that.

E: Post a recent photo of yourself:

F: My favorite movie: I think I would have to say Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World which I have found very epic and have even read the graphic novels it is based off of

G: Sexual orientation: Straight

H: Do I smoke/drink? No I have not, and never will smoke. On the other hand maybe one day I will drink but when will not be very soon

I: Have any tattoos or piercings? I have not been inked but I think one day I will, but I am not sure yet of what, since it'll be permanent I will definitely think it through

J: What I want to be when I get older: As of right now I want to be an officer in the United States Navy, but I don't think that its what I want to do my entire life. Maybe I will become a teacher, it has been something I have considered.

K: Relationship with my parents: Decent enough, I don't always talk to them much but I have been trying to include them a little more in my life when I am at home.

L: One of my insecurities: That I might fail, that I will lose everything that I have worked for

M: Virgin or not? Not at all

N: Favorite place to shop at?  Barnes and Nobles. I really like to read and I really like buying books

O: My eye color: Dark Brown, sometimes people say they kinda look black

P: Why I hate school: I really do like school but I am not a huge fan of having to write papers

Q: Relationship status as of right now: Single, lonely, either word works.

R: Favorite song at the moment: Wavin' Flag by K'naan or Only The Good Die Young by Glee

S: A random fact about myself: I have a whole list

T: Age I get mistaken for: Typically its children who think I am like 20 or older

U: Where I want to be right now: I think either I would want to be on a sailboat right now or snowboarding. Either activity would please me

V: Last time I cried: I don't tend to cry very often but I believe it was the last time that I really got angry at her fro what she did

W: Concerts I’ve been to: Hinder

X: What would you do if your parents forbid you from dating someone? I feel like I would never want to date someone they would end up forbidding.

Y: Do you want to go to college: Yes, which is why I am doing so right now and I am glad to be here

Z: How are you? I would have to say adequate, life seems to be calm, nothing exciting.

I Think Therefore I Exist

Life can suck. That seems to be a simple enough statement. There are times when life truly sucks, but then sometimes it does not. Can much more be said than that? Is there something that I am missing? I feel that ranting about sadness might not be fun, but I believe that in doing so I might be able to discover some universal truth.

I am making my best attempts to move forward in my life but there are times when memories are triggered by the simplest of things. Its hard to not get angry, all the happiness that you once had, all gone, and you did nothing wrong. You can make every attempt to keep things going, but its not a one sided game, if your partner lets it slip through the cracks there is nothing you can do. She falls for some other guy, someone you never met, someone you never would have trusted, it was all in your gut, and you even let these feelings come to the light of day but it never mattered.

She seems to want to go back to where we were before it all started. To be just friends, but I feel like a lot of that friendship was based in feelings for each other, and she is not entirely like that girl she was before. I don't believe I could do that, it would be to easy to find those feelings again, to fall again. As well there feels to be too much pain and anger, all which would need to be let out before anything can happen, she must bear the burden of strife and hardship before I can truly forgive her.

She feels no need to hear what I believe is the truth, yet if she herself did not believe it she could ignore it and take it in stride, but only if she believes it would she see the need to hide from it. Could that be why, she wants to talk but cannot bear my anger, the written word could easily be weakened. There is no voice, no volume to it, much of the true emotion is void.

That alone does not simply anger me even more. Given the opportunity pain could be made more bearable if one is not alone, someone to hold, to be there for you. You left me behind, all alone, and you yourself are not. How am I supposed to feel? How can you expect me to be able to go to something so quickly? It feels like I was hit by a bus, yet you try and say things that are of no help. In simplicity, you may have done what you think was the right thing, but guess what, I think you fucked up. It might be a strong word that typically should not be used, but there is little else of any way to make that statement.

For those who may have made it this far, which I feel like not many have even come close, I apologize for the previous rant. Stream of thought can be a very tedious thing to read through.

A friend sent me a video the other day to watch. I must say, it succeeds in its purpose, which is to motivate. The following is the video, and I must say, it truly reaches deep and can strike a good chord or two.

The video comes from a site called Spartan Race. This concept that has been created is a very intense, as it is not entirely about strength of body but about the strength of heart. I myself hope that one day, I too can complete a Spartan Race, that one day I will be as strong as I can possibly be, and do things I never imagined. May this be my attempt at my own greatness, to show that I can do what I set out for myself to do.